So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Randomize
