is your mom at the bar?
my phone needs a breathalizer
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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