I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
There's even glitter on my cock...
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
