The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
