There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
