Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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