Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
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Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
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I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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