that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
