i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
