I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
