Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
