We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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