I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
