Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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