Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
