can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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