YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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