Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
