i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
My vagina just recognized that song.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
