Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
