if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
