I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
