Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
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