I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
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