Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Randomize
