I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
