he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
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