Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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