best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
You are a genius and a whore.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize
