Barsexuality is the new black.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
