why do cheetos always look like penises
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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