are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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