It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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