I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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