then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I didn't notice because vodka
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
