loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
