Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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