Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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