You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
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when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
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Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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