the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
