Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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