my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Operation Purity has been aborted
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
