it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Randomize
