WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
