I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
