Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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