Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
