Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
