I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
