Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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