Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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