I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction