he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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