OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
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