I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
She's like a pop up book from hell.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize
