i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Two words: blizzard sex
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Randomize
