I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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