woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
