When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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