just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
