shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
