I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
