I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Randomize
