So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Randomize
