Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
