i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
